What if you never gave me that kind of "silent treatment" back then? What if am never made you feel annoyed with the way I was trying to make you be vulnerable with me back then? What if you never said "You're so full of yourself", "Harus banget apa apa chat/call? Kalo kamu minta aku harus chat/call 24/7 terus-terusan, aku gabisa" when I really care about your condition and wanted you to be vulnerable with me What if you always replied to all my monologues? What if I'm still patient enough to always gave you assurance meskipun caramu meminta assurance dengan menyalahkanku (with or without your conciousness)?
What if... that guy never came... would you dating me? Beneran deh, jikalau that person never came into, apakah kamu bakalan langsung nembak aku/ngajak aku pacaran?
You were always being the person that I always wanted to be with, yg selalu aku usahakan untuk "terjadi". But, why you treated me that way?
Kamu ngga suka kalau hal itu dibahas, mengorek masa dimana kamu masih belum paham apa maumu. Being a passive-agressive person at that time was kinda fun for you, maybe? Tapi rasanya aku seperti di tarik ulur.
I commited to you. I even told that guy that I had you at the very first time he asked me about my love life meskipun waktu itu kita ngga pacaran. Which part of me lying? Nope. I didn't lie, even to my self.
Siapa yg ngajarin aku soal berbohong? Kamu. You lied to yourself, at that time, remember? You were refusing being honest to yourself that you need someone to rely on, need someone to talk to no matter how random it is, need someone to share everything... I was there, a. I was always there for you but you keep pulling yourself from me. Thought you would be that kind of cool-guy who can handle himself but turned out you were abandon me. You were unconciously teaching me how to lie even to my self.
Maybe I was naive or just a stupid little bitch at the moment. I am sorry. I sincerely sorry.
But then... I prove to you that I devote myself to you only. Yes I love you, I do love you. Still. If you want me to feel shattered, I do, since the day you asked me for break up. Since that day, never the same anymore. You tore me apart. All my sincere hopes about us...shattered. 2 months trial? Bahkan aku rela untuk digantung selama 2 bulan trial yg pernah diobrolin itu. But then, what? Never put too much hope on someone, you said? Agree with that.
Saya juga terluka.
Does this matter to you even just a little slice on your current life? Nope, I guess. But I want to stand for my self. I'm being true. I love you.
Look. Even i still reading your blog and reaching the comment section, lol.
Terimakasih, ya. Setidaknya kamu pernah bikin aku merasa jadi perempuan yg paling bersyukur di bumi ini meski ternyata rasa syukur itu harus tergantikan dengan pahitnya sakit hati.
Kalau saja saat itu aku punya pilihan, aku ingin memilih mati di saat aku mendengar kalimat itu darimu. Setidaknya aku mati bahagia.
Kara dan berbagai nama indah itu tak akan jadi bunga tidur di malam-malam ku yg sunyi menyesakkan ini. Mereka akan beterbangan like a butterfly on my stomach tepat saat itu kamu mengucapkan kalimat yg aku anggap sakral.
Terimakasih. Kasih ku terima. Maaf pun besertanya. Terimakasih. Untuk terkasih. Terima kasih.
What if you never gave me that kind of "silent treatment" back then?
BalasHapusWhat if am never made you feel annoyed with the way I was trying to make you be vulnerable with me back then?
What if you never said "You're so full of yourself", "Harus banget apa apa chat/call? Kalo kamu minta aku harus chat/call 24/7 terus-terusan, aku gabisa" when I really care about your condition and wanted you to be vulnerable with me
What if you always replied to all my monologues?
What if I'm still patient enough to always gave you assurance meskipun caramu meminta assurance dengan menyalahkanku (with or without your conciousness)?
What if... that guy never came... would you dating me?
Beneran deh, jikalau that person never came into, apakah kamu bakalan langsung nembak aku/ngajak aku pacaran?
You were always being the person that I always wanted to be with, yg selalu aku usahakan untuk "terjadi". But, why you treated me that way?
Kamu ngga suka kalau hal itu dibahas, mengorek masa dimana kamu masih belum paham apa maumu. Being a passive-agressive person at that time was kinda fun for you, maybe? Tapi rasanya aku seperti di tarik ulur.
I commited to you. I even told that guy that I had you at the very first time he asked me about my love life meskipun waktu itu kita ngga pacaran. Which part of me lying? Nope. I didn't lie, even to my self.
Siapa yg ngajarin aku soal berbohong? Kamu.
You lied to yourself, at that time, remember? You were refusing being honest to yourself that you need someone to rely on, need someone to talk to no matter how random it is, need someone to share everything... I was there, a. I was always there for you but you keep pulling yourself from me. Thought you would be that kind of cool-guy who can handle himself but turned out you were abandon me. You were unconciously teaching me how to lie even to my self.
Maybe I was naive or just a stupid little bitch at the moment. I am sorry.
I sincerely sorry.
But then... I prove to you that I devote myself to you only.
Yes I love you, I do love you. Still.
If you want me to feel shattered, I do, since the day you asked me for break up. Since that day, never the same anymore. You tore me apart. All my sincere hopes about us...shattered. 2 months trial? Bahkan aku rela untuk digantung selama 2 bulan trial yg pernah diobrolin itu. But then, what? Never put too much hope on someone, you said? Agree with that.
Saya juga terluka.
Does this matter to you even just a little slice on your current life? Nope, I guess. But I want to stand for my self. I'm being true. I love you.
Look. Even i still reading your blog and reaching the comment section, lol.
=EPILOG=
BalasHapus"...Kamu mau ngga nikah sama aku?"
Terimakasih, ya. Setidaknya kamu pernah bikin aku merasa jadi perempuan yg paling bersyukur di bumi ini meski ternyata rasa syukur itu harus tergantikan dengan pahitnya sakit hati.
Kalau saja saat itu aku punya pilihan, aku ingin memilih mati di saat aku mendengar kalimat itu darimu. Setidaknya aku mati bahagia.
Kara dan berbagai nama indah itu tak akan jadi bunga tidur di malam-malam ku yg sunyi menyesakkan ini. Mereka akan beterbangan like a butterfly on my stomach tepat saat itu kamu mengucapkan kalimat yg aku anggap sakral.
Terimakasih. Kasih ku terima. Maaf pun besertanya.
Terimakasih. Untuk terkasih.
Terima kasih.