Grammar nszis is not allowed

It's 2:18 AM in the morning and I can't even shut my eyes off. Sooo here I'm, in this rusty blog trying to type something that makes my brain and heart busy the whole week. It's all started when we find each other in that wild place, a place where it's rare to meet someone like us, two lonely soul who just wandering looking for nothing, and yet we found each other.

I wasn't looking for anything at all, but i met you. Actually i wasn't planning on falling for anyone so soon. But then i met you, and that was it, things just happened. Months we know each other am starting to found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple, it was easy. And i think that's how the best relationship begin, am i right? You're not looking for anything then suddenly you realize you have something.

I remember you used to say "From now, I assure my self that love will win to whom who believe; if they want it to be, they'll make it. Thankyou; we win." don't you know that words really steal my heart? It's like the most beautiful things ppl ever said to me since forever. After that, i can say that am officially start to fell in love with you, it's not like i used to say, it's not about your skin tone or your voice or anything that displayed by you, it's because you distracted me from my life, family problems and when I'm with you it was the only time i ever felt really loved by someone other than my family. You're special to me. You're the only person i wouldn't mind losing sleep for, the only one who i can never get tired of talking to, and the only one who i can never get tired of talking to. I never realized how much you felt like home to me until i found myself right now watching my ceiling and getting to excited about it.

It's crazy how one day you randomly meet someone and then two years down the line they've become a huge part of your life. I thought that fate really bring people together when it's least expected. Until this very second i still remember how we start our conversation, i still remember the way i made you smile and the way you made my heart melt by your monologue, it's still and will always be my number one favorite monologue. You used to be the reason i got my genuine lsugh back. The reason i fell asleep with a smile on my face, the reason why i have additional motivation to do things again, even Everytime we did a face time, i almost cried myself out, bcs how grateful I'm.

I thought it's gonna be the end of us, feeling happy for each other, no matter how hard we hurt each other, it's all forgiven, we're ready to face a new stage of our life, it's like we start all over again, because i believe that you're really love me... Guess this time, the joke was one me, because after the third mistake, i thought there would be no such a thing as the fourth mistake, but that's so naive of me.

The 4th mistake happened. I can't really describe how surprised I'm when i knew the whole story from him, and after the most uncomfortable phone call ended, i can't really say anything, I'm just laughing my ass of wkwkwkwk am not the joke, am the whole circus 🤣. My heart dropped. It was the most deepest, hardest pain I've ever been through, this is kinda look like the last wound i got in the middle of 2017, the different is this one, the 2021, is much much worst than the 2017. Everything fall apart, you took a piece of me, and i let you, and that wound will never happened again. It was like a stab in my heart, i was balling my eyes out, screaming into my pillow and wondering why i wasn't enough for you? Have i done anything that bad that made me deserve this?

The saddest part about our story is that it never had to end. We could have made it work if you cared about me like i cared about you, you would have fought for me. But it couldn't have been more clear, i was right everytime, if she really love me, she wouldn't thing to make the fourth mistake. I know I've been so naive of my self believing words come out from a liar, i know she's a liar since the third mistake, I tried to ignore it but it keeps make me worried, even sometimes I'm worried about it too much. but in the end, Everytime I'm worried too much, it really happened. Even from the third mistake I kinda knew it was gonna happen, i just didn't think it would hurt this much.

Thankyou for coming into my life and making the impact that you have, i honestly have no clue where I'd be without you. You have taught me so many things, and helped me to become a better version of myself, life without you is unimaginable. Please know that I'm beyond proud of you, and extremely blessed to call you my love. You used to be my everything, I loved you more than words can describe. But everything was in the past, in the end,  you did things that i said countless time not to do, you lied to me, again and again and again, and again. I'm glad we didn't work out tbh. Yes I miss you so fckng much, it's kinda hard not to seeing your silly face anymore, listening to your sad story, your crocked laugh and your unfunny jokes. I miss those moments, but i think you didn't deserve me, i put in way too much effort for someone that claimed they 'loved me', because if you really love me, you wouldn't even think to do the things that might hurt your lover. Some little part of me still hoping that you're gonna reach out for me, but once again, never put up your hope too much on human, especially the one who lied to you that much. She said believe in her so i did, she said that i can be vulnerable around her so i did, but in the end, she doesn't even care to me at all, shee keep do the things that i told her no to do, lying and become a liar. The time i know the truth, It was like a stab in my heart, i was balling my eyes out, screaming into my pillow and wondering why i wasn't enough for you? 

In the end, we lose. We're not winning like said 10 months ago, yes love will win to whom who believe; if they want it to be, they'll make it. But guess what happened, who's not believe to their partner by keeping lies to them? Maybe We can't make it simply bcs you didn't want us to make it at all,  Thankyou; we win lose